I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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