If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
