fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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