You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
