are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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