her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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