You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I skipped work to stalk him.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We have started to decorate penises.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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