If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
