I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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