This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
