She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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