i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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