he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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