Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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