Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
