my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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