you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
