That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
