if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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