3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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