i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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