Umm I'm too high to move.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
