he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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