I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
