Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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