do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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