I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
