saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
