Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
