I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
