My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
