i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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