don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
