Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
