No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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