The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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