She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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