Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
