You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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