found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
