It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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