You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
