whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
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She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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