I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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