my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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