Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.