i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
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You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.