I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?