How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
