Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Everyone says I win the strip club
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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