Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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