woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
