I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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