I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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