Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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