I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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