You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
