my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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