This girl is more easily done than said...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
