The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
