Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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