I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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