I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
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Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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